The Way of Integrity: Finding the Path to Your True Self (Oprah's Book Club) by

Description: The Way of Integrity by Martha Beck OPRAHS BOOK CLUB PICK AN INSTANT NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER "A roadmap on the journey to truth and authenticity… [The Way of Integrity] is filled with aha moments and practical exercises that can guide us as we seek enlightenment." –Oprah Winfrey Bestselling author, life coach, and sociologist Martha Beck explains why "integrity"—needed now more than ever in these tumultuous times—is the key to a meaningful and joyful lifeAN OPEN FIELD PUBLICATION FROM MARIA SHRIVERAs Martha Beck says in her book, "Integrity is the cure for psychological suffering. Period."In The Way of Integrity, Beck presents a four-stage process that anyone can use to find integrity, and with it, a sense of purpose, emotional healing, and a life free of mental suffering. Much of what plagues us—people pleasing, staying in stale relationships, negative habits—all point to what happens when we are out of touch with what truly makes us feel whole.Inspired by The Divine Comedy, Beck uses Dantes classic heros journey as a framework to break down the process of attaining personal integrity into small, manageable steps. She shows how to read our internal signals that lead us towards our true path, and to recognize what we actually yearn for versus what our culture sells us.With techniques tested on hundreds of her clients, Beck brings her expertise as a social scientist, life coach and human being to help readers to uncover what integrity looks like in their own lives. She takes us on a spiritual adventure that not only will change the direction of our lives, but also bring us to a place of genuine happiness. FORMAT Hardcover LANGUAGE English CONDITION Brand New Author Biography Martha Beck is a bestselling author, life coach, and speaker who specializes in helping individuals and groups achieve greater levels of personal and professional success. She is the author of nine nonfiction books and one novel, and has been a longtime contributor to O, The Oprah Magazine. She holds a PhD in sociology from Harvard. Review Praise for The Way of Integrity:"Martha Beck is always full of insights. This book didnt disappoint! Beck identifies the ways culture works against integrity and touches on Dantes Inferno, includes quizzes, and rethinks suffering."—Good Morning America "The Way of Integrity is about the redemptive power of discovering, speaking and living the truth about who you are. . . . The book vibrates with magic, intelligence, and love. It brims with humor, spirituality, fascinating science, and even Dantes Divine Comedy. This radiant book will not only change your life, but perhaps even save it." —Elizabeth Gilbert, #1 New York Times bestselling author of Eat, Pray, Love "Martha Becks genius is that her writing is equal parts comforting and challenging. A teacher, a mother, a sage, she holds our hand as she leads us back home to ourselves." —Glennon Doyle, #1 New York Times bestselling author of Untamed and founder of Together Rising "This is a book I will read over and over again. The journey within is a pilgrimage that can help to heal the soul and make a world whole." —Bishop Michael Curry"In an age of nonstop pressure to conform we often lose connection to truth and meaning. But Martha Beck has written this masterpiece, initiating a new path forward, one of integrity, showing us how to embrace our authentic self for unlimited freedom." —Shannon Kaiser, international bestselling author of The Self-Love Experiment "The Way of Integrity is the perfect guide for anyone who wants greater happiness and clarity of purpose. As always, Martha Becks writing is beautiful and perceptive, and the insights and exercises she shares in these pages may take you somewhere unexpected, but will certainly lead you to a better place." —Marci Shimoff, #1 New York Times bestselling author of Happy for No Reason"The Way of Integrity is Martha Beck at her finest: one hundred percent pure distilled wisdom, truth, and illumination, delivered always with humor. Theres no one Id trust more to get me out of the dark woods." —Susan Casey, New York Times bestselling author of Voices in the Ocean "By the end of this profound, funny, and beautifully crafted book, I finally understood that the wild beasts of my own negativity, impatience, and anger are actually my friends, sent to show me when I am straying from my true path. This book that will help anyone get back on the path and walk more joyfully toward their full integrity." —Elizabeth Lesser, cofounder of Omega Institute and New York Times bestselling author of Broken Open"Beck is my kind of writer: smart, funny, and no-bullshit. In this hit-you-between-the-eyes book, she shows us how easily we fall out of integrity even in small ways, like why we often say "yes" when we mean "no." In an effort to fit into the confines of social constructs—family, work, culture—we subvert our integrity in the name of love, security, and acceptance. I had no idea how out-of-integrity I am in certain areas of my life. Becks book has empowered me to take ownership and action."—Esquire"Becks holistic interpretation of integrity is refreshing. It doesnt feel stiff and constricting. For me, it really lands. It lines up. It feels like truth." —Houston Chronicle"Beck freely shares her own journey and challenges pilgrims to face up to fears and embrace their inner guides. . . . Many will be moved by Becks sincerity and lucid techniques." —Booklist Review Quote Praise for The Way of Integrity: " The Way of Integrity . Its about the redemptive power of discovering, speaking and living the truth about who you are.... The book vibrates with magic, intelligence, and love. It brims with humor, spirituality, fascinating science, and even Dantes Divine Comedy . This radiant book will not only change your life, but perhaps even save it." -Elizabeth Gilbert, #1 New York Times bestselling author of Eat, Pray, Love Excerpt from Book 1. Lost in the Woods Like many compelling adventure stories, The Divine Comedy begins in the middle. "Midway through the journey of our life," says Dante, "I found myself in a dark forest, for the right way was lost." He doesnt mention how he got to the woods, what he was doing when he wandered off track, or how far hes gone. All this information is-literally-foggy. The only thing Dante really knows is that hes alone, adrift, and confused. The experience of noticing were on the wrong path, in what feels like the wrong life, comes to almost all of us at some point. A few years into a job, a relationship, or a living situation, we may suddenly realize that everything seems . . . off. Like Dante, were a bit dim about exactly whats wrong, or how we got here. But in an empty moment when weve finally gotten the kids off to school, or we look up from our desks at the office and notice everyone else has gone home, or weve just had another ghastly fight with the person we thought wed love forever, we stare into space and think, "What am I doing? What is this place? How did I get here? It wasnt supposed to be this way!" This is often how people are feeling when they consult me. Ive sat through countless first sessions with clients who are so baffled by their own dissatisfaction they can barely find words to describe it. They stammer, "I wish I knew my purpose," or "People say Follow your passion, but I have no idea what mine is," or "I thought working hard and providing for my family was the right thing, but I feel so empty." A few of these people are clinically depressed or physically sick. But mostly, theyre just lost. The most common reason we end up feeling this way is by doing what were "supposed to." We learn from our culture how a good person is supposed to behave, and we behave that way. Then we expect the promised rewards: happiness, health, prosperity, true love, solid self-esteem. But the equation fails to balance. Even after doing everything we can to be good, we dont feel good. Confused, we figure were somehow not doing enough, or not doing it the right way. But the harder we work at finding the path to well-being, the less well we feel. Ive worked with many people who were so far gone in the dark wood they didnt remember anything else. By the time they came to me, their disorientation had become extreme. There was Jim, the physician who grew more and more repulsed by the thought of touching people until he finally had to close his practice. Or Evelyn, the magazine editor who, though a ravenous bookworm at home, gradually lost the energy to track simple paragraphs at work. Fran, a devoted mother of four, began forgetting so many of her childrens playdates and school events that the whole family lived like a herd of spooked horses, nervous and jittery. None of these people was mentally ill, just far gone in a hazy wilderness. I recognize this murky terrain. Know it well, in fact. Ive been to the dark wood of error so many times I should have set up a hot dog stand somewhere in there. From childhood, my one overarching life directive was Do whatever it takes to win approval. Raised in a devout Mormon family, I obeyed every rule of my religion and worked hard at school. Then I went off to Harvard, which was about as far from my childhood culture as I could get without moving to Pluto. I managed by letting everyone I encountered assume that I agreed with them, passing for a devout Mormon at home and a rational atheist at school. This strategy worked perfectly (approval everywhere!) except that after a while I couldnt move. Physically, I mean. At the ripe old age of eighteen, I developed mysterious, excruciating soft-tissue pain all over my body. I couldnt focus mentally. I started binge eating. I felt out of control and broken and borderline suicidal. I had to take a year off school, the better to focus on my complete physical and emotional deterioration. Oh, I was quite the little ray of sunshine. Looking back at that experience and the stories of so many clients, I feel enormous gratitude for all our confusion, and despair. Those feelings meant that our internal guidance systems were working perfectly, signaling "WRONG WAY!" as clearly as they could. With nothing but the best of intentions, wed lost the way of integrity. Suffering arose from our bodies and hearts as a result-and riveted our attention on fixing the problem. Dark wood of error syndrome There have probably been times when you, too, have departed from your own true path. At first, the resulting suffering may have been so mild you didnt even notice it. But no one can sleepwalk away from integrity indefinitely, because things get worse the further we travel in the wrong direction. Eventually, if we dont correct course, we begin displaying clusters of characteristic symptoms. You may have had them in the past. You may have them now. I call any cluster of these symptoms "dark wood of error syndrome." Again, its not a bad thing. Its the way our instincts motivate us to regain our integrity. Its the truth come to set us free. Which doesnt mean its fun. In the remainder of this chapter, Ill describe the symptoms of this syndrome. As you read, ask yourself if youre experiencing any of them. Dark wood of error symptom #1: Feeling purposeless The most common reason people give for hiring me as a coach is that theyre desperate to find a sense of purpose. Very few actually want to die, but many tell me they see little point in living. They echo the Biblical lament in Ecclesiastes, "I have seen all the things that are done under the sun, and behold; all of them are meaningless, a chasing after the wind." In other words, "Life is hard. Were all going to die. WTF?" Without an authentic sense of purpose, its hard to feel that the daily grind of a human existence is worth the trouble. In modern Western culture, most of us believe that we can find a sense of purpose by achieving something. What something, exactly? That depends on how the people around us define "value." My job is like watching a parade of the various things different cultures tell people to value. One day I coached a woman who believed that a purpose-driven life involved suing lots of people and wearing several pounds of diamond jewelry everywhere, including the dump. My next client was equally convinced that a purposeful life meant living in a cabin off the grid and using leaves as toilet paper. Some people think purpose means having a corner office. Others try to become movie stars, save the rain forests, or make viral videos of their pet hamsters. Any of these ambitions might actually match your true purpose. If so, youll feel a powerful inward compulsion to follow that particular path. Youll find the steps along the way fascinating and fulfilling, and as a result youll be good at them. But if you pursue any course of action solely because other people think its "purposeful," prepare to hit dense fog. Youll encounter baffling failures. You wont get along with people. You wont be able to drum up the energy to climb the success ladder-or for that matter, to wash your hair. Maybe youre thinking, "Well, of course I feel awful-I never get the things I want!" If so, I wish you could meet the people I know whove reached the pinnacle of our societys idealized achievements, only to realize that, as one woman told me, "Theres no there there. I thought there was a position in the world that would make me feel good, but I got to that position and didnt find anything that made me happy. It all seemed pointless." "So I won an Olympic gold," one client told me. "And as I climbed down from the podium, the only thought I could think was, What the hell do I do now? It was awful, absolutely terrifying. It was like death-the worst feeling Id ever had." A hard-working author said, "After a lifetime of trying, I finally had a book hit number one on the New York Times bestseller list. It made me really happy . . . for about ten minutes." Our sense of purposelessness doesnt disappear in the face of culturally defined achievements. It remains a persistent, goading force, a biting fly that wont stop buzzing around our heads until we begin pursuing goals that truly fulfill us-in other words, following the way of integrity. And if the whine and sting of purposelessness isnt enough to shake us out of our sleepwalking, our subconscious minds will up the ante. Theyll summon the megafauna, the mental wild beasts we call mood states. Dark wood of error symptom #2: Emotional misery As if being lost werent bad enough, carnivorous beasts attack Dante in the dark wood of error. The first is a ravenous leopard whose appetite can never be satisfied. Next comes a lion so terrifying Dante says "it seemed the air was afraid of him." Then he sees a wolf, the sight of which makes him so sad he "weeps in all his thought and is despondent." Neediness, panic, depression. Welcome to a few of the emotional states that may jump you as you wander through the dark wood of error. When I stray from my integrity, the mood-monsters rear up almost immediately. One step away from my truth, I feel grasping, nervous, and morose. If I dont correct course, those feelings quickly escalate to clinginess, terror, and despair. Thank heavens! Without such ferocious attacks, I might still be following the self-contradictory ideals that made me such a royal mess at age eighteen. Whenever you lose your integrity, youll feel your own unique brew of bad moods, depending on your personality. You may tend, as I do, toward anxiety and depression. Or you may feel free-floating hostility, itching to punch everyone in your office, family, zip code. You m Details ISBN1984881485 Author Martha Beck Short Title The Way of Integrity Language English Year 2021 ISBN-10 1984881485 ISBN-13 9781984881489 Format Hardcover Pages 352 Country of Publication United States AU Release Date 2021-04-13 NZ Release Date 2021-04-13 US Release Date 2021-04-13 UK Release Date 1900-01-01 Publication Date 2021-04-13 Subtitle Finding the Path to Your True Self (Oprahs Book Club) DEWEY 158.1 Audience General Publisher Random House USA Inc Imprint The Open Field We've got this At The Nile, if you're looking for it, we've got it. 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