Mother-Daughter Wisdom: Understanding the Crucial Link Between Mothers, Daughter

Description: Mother-Daughter Wisdom by Christiane Northrup From the author of the extraordinary million-copy-plus bestseller "The Wisdom of Menopause" comes her most profound and revolutionary approach to womens health yet. To be published simultaneously with a nationwide PBS special. FORMAT Paperback LANGUAGE English CONDITION Brand New Publisher Description With such groundbreaking bestsellers as Womens Bodies, Womens Wisdom and The Wisdom of Menopause, Dr. Christiane Northrup is one of todays most trusted and visionary medical experts. Now she presents her most profound and revolutionary approach to womens health. . . . The mother-daughter relationship sets the stage for our state of health and well-being for our entire lives. Because our mothers are our first and most powerful female role models, our most deeply ingrained beliefs about ourselves as women come from them. And our behavior in relationships—with food, with our children, with our mates, and with ourselves—is a reflection of those beliefs. Once we understand our mother-daughter bonds, we can rebuild our own health, whatever our age, and create a lasting positive legacy for the next generation. Mother-Daughter Wisdom introduces an entirely new map of female development, exploring the "five facets of feminine power," which range from the basics of physical self-care to the discovery of passion and purpose in life. This blueprint allows any woman—whether or not she has children—–to repair the gaps in her own upbringing and create a better adult relationship with her mother. If she has her own daughter, it will help her be the mother she has always wanted to be. Drawing on patient case histories and personal experiences, Dr. Northrup also presents findings at the cutting edge of medicine and psychology. Discover:•How to lay the nutritional foundation to prevent eating disorders and adult diseases•The truth about the immunization controversy–and the true meaning of immunity•How we can change our genetic health legacy•Why financial literacy is essential to womens health•How to foster healthy sexuality and future "love maps" in our daughters •How to balance independence with caring, and individual growth with family ties Written with warmth, enthusiasm, and rare intelligence, Mother-Daughter Wisdom is an indispensable book destined to change lives and become essential reading for all women. Author Biography Christiane Northrup, M.D., trained at Dartmouth Medical School and Tufts New England Medical Center before cofounding the Women to Women health care center in Yarmouth, Maine, which became a model for womens clinics nationwide. Board certified in obstetrics and gynecology, she is past president of the American Holistic Medical Association and an internationally recognized authority on womens health and healing. Description for Reading Group Guide The mother-daughter relationship is at the core of every womans physical and emotional health. Even before birth, mothers provide daughters with their first experience of nurturing. Mothers are our most powerful female role models. Every daughter, whether she grows up to be a parent or not, embodies her mothers blueprint and that of all the women in her ancestry. Now, in a revolutionary approach to well-being for women of all ages, renowned physician and bestselling author Dr. Christiane Northrup unlocks the profound wisdom and healing power of these maternal legacies. Applying the unique holistic approach that made Womens Bodies, Womens Wisdom and The Wisdom of Menopause such transforming forces in the lives of millions of readers, Dr. Northrup has created an uplifting, enlightening, entirely new map of female development. Mother-Daughter Wisdom blends soulful truths with groundbreaking clinical discoveries to help us thoroughly rebuild our health. Whether coming to terms with a painful memory, letting go of harmful beliefs about themselves, or celebrating the love that is passed down from mother to daughter, generation after generation, readers of this book will come to see this intimate bond in a completely new light. The questions, discussion topics, and author biography that follow are intended to enhance your reading of Dr. Christiane Northrups Mother-Daughter Wisdom . We hope they will enrich your experience of this important and inspiring book. Discussion Question for Reading Group Guide 1. Mother-Daughter Wisdom includes Dr. Northrups candid recollections of her own journey to motherhood, and her realizations about her mother. What are the legacies of motherhood in your family? If you have limited information about this, what are your greatest obstacles in discovering that history? 2. What new insights regarding conception, pregnancy, labor, and birth did you take away from the books initial chapters? Why might Western medicine get in the way of the natural processes that ease childbearing? 3. Chapter two features "The Five Facets of Feminine Power," ranging from the basics of physical care to the discovery of passion and purpose in life. Which of these facets shines brightest in your life these days? Which facet would you most like to "polish"? 4. Using Dr. Northrups analogy of life as a house, discuss the times when you moved from one "room" to another in your role as mother, daughter, or both. 5. In your opinion, is the mother-daughter legacy primarily a matter of nature or nurture? What medical legacies have been passed down to you by your ancestors? How much can genetic predispositions be modified by our own actions? Do you agree with Dr.Northrups assessment of the role we can play in creating physical and emotional health for ourselves? 6. In Chapter one, the author states "the only way to raise a healthy, proud daughter or heal our own relationship with our mothers, is to enter bear territory. If you are raising a daughter, you must be willing to open yourself to the place inside where you would willingly sacrifice your own life or that of someone or something else for your daughter. It also means that you must know when to stop the sacrifice for her sake as well as your own." When have you experienced Mother Bear energy, either as the bear or as her cub? 7. Chapter seven discusses the "emotional" versus "executive" portions of the brain and the balance between self-love and empathy. In what ways have you experienced these tensions in your day-to-day experience? Does the distinction between "shame donors" and "shame recipients" resonate with you? What strategies, if any, have you adopted to reverse feelings of shame? 8. Chapter eight defines nourishment not only in terms of sound nutrition but as a whole-life experience. How do the concepts featured in this chapter create a foundation for the subsequent chapters? What are the keys to a "well-nourished" life, even in financial terms? 9. How do gender lines factor into the creation of "love maps" (Chapter ten)? How does American culture encode seemingly contradictory expectations for boys and girls regarding relationships and sexuality? 10. Who were some of your earliest idols and heroes? Can you think of any experiences from your own life that reflect Dr. Northrups statement, in Chapter twelve, that "through her idols, [a school-age girl] explores ways of being in the world and experiments with her ideal self" and that "the qualities a girl admires in others are really inside herself?" 11. Chapter twelve, "The Anatomy of Self-Esteem," eloquently describes ways to instill confidence and help your daughters develop an inner guidance system. Through what means were you taught how to navigate harmful situations? To what degree do you currently "feel safe on the earth"? 12. What contemporary knowledge, from nutrition to relationships, has had the greatest impact on your health? How proactive are you in your relationships with your health-care providers? Do you keep yourself informed about medical issues that concern you, ask questions of your doctors, get second opinions when you think they are appropriate? 13. In Chapter fifteen, the author states that during puberty a young womans "unique, inborn gifts and talents are ripe for in-depth recognition and development" and that "the degree to which [she] is supported to become who [she] really is by [her family] and social networks is the degree to which [she] will bloom [and] remain healthy." How did your family respond to or address puberty in your home? How did it affect the woman you became? Do you feel that our society would benefit from more positive coming-of-age rites , and have you personally participated in any? 14. How would you describe the relationships between women and men in your family? Did your mother defer to your father, or take on all the responsibility for the emotional well being of her family? How has your parents relationship influenced your own feelings about what you can expect from men? 15. Is the twenty-first century an exceptionally dangerous time to be an adolescent girl, due to high rates of substance abuse and unprotected sex? Or are we raising a generation of young women who possess an exceptional ability to take care of themselves? How do you think they will characterize our current generation of mothers? 16. What message would you most like to hear from your mother? From your daughter? What is the most healing message you could give to your mother? Your daughter? Excerpt from Book Chapter One Mothers and Daughters The Bond That Wounds, the Bond That Heals The mother-daughter relationship is at the headwaters of every womans health. Our bodies and our beliefs about them were formed in the soil of our mothers emotions, beliefs, and behaviors. Even before birth, our mother provides us with our first experience of nurturing. She is our first and most powerful female role model. It is from her that we learn what it is to be a woman and care for our bodies. Our cells divided and grew to the beat of her heart. Our skin, hair, heart, lungs, and bones were nourished by her blood, blood that was awash with the neurochemicals formed in response to her thoughts, beliefs, and emotions. If she was fearful, anxious, or deeply unhappy about her pregnancy, our bodies knew it. If she felt safe, happy, and fulfilled, we felt that too. Our bodies and those of our daughters were created by a seamless web of nature and nurture, of biology informed by consciousness, that we can trace back to the beginning of time. Thus, every daughter contains her mother and all the women who came before her. The unrealized dreams of our maternal ancestors are part of our heritage. To become optimally healthy and happy, each of us must get clear about the ways in which our mothers history both influenced and continues to inform our state of health, our beliefs, and how we live our lives. Every woman who heals herself helps heal all the women who came before her and all those who will come after her. A mothers often unconscious influence on her daughters health is so profound that years ago I had to accept that my medical skills were only a drop in the bucket compared to the unexamined and ongoing influence of her mother. If a womans relationship with her mother was supportive and healthy, and if her mother had given her positive messages about her female body and how to care for it, my job as a physician was easy. Her body, mind, and spirit were already programmed for optimal health and healing. If, on the other hand, her mothers influence was problematic, or if there was a history of neglect, abuse, alcoholism, or mental illness, then I knew that my best efforts would probably fall short. Real long-term health solutions would become possible only when my patient realized the impact of her background and then took steps to change this influence. Though health-care modalities such as dietary improvement, exercise, drugs, surgery, breast exams, and Pap smears all have their place, not one of them can get to the part of a womans consciousness that is creating her state of health in the first place. Before birth, consciousness literally directs the creation of our bodies. It is also constantly being shaped by our lifes experiences, most especially those of childhood. No other childhood experience is as compelling as a young girls relationship with her mother. Each of us takes in at the cellular level how our mother feels about being female, what she believes about her body, how she takes care of her health, and what she believes is possible in life. Her beliefs and behaviors set the tone for how well we learn to care for ourselves as adults. We then pass this information either consciously or unconsciously on to the next generation. Though I acknowledge that the culture at large plays a significant role in our views of ourselves as women, ultimately the beliefs and behavior of our individual mothers exert a far stronger influence. In most cases, she is the first to teach us the dictates of the larger culture. And if her beliefs are at odds with the dominant culture, our mothers influence almost always wins. Maternal Attention: An Essential Lifelong Nutrient When a TV camera focuses on audience members in the studio or at sporting events, what does the person on camera shout out? More often than not, its "Hi, Mom!" Each of us has a primal need to be seen and noticed by our mothers, and thats why the loss of ones mother can be so devastating. In a letter at the beginning of Hope Edelmans book, Motherless Daughters, a woman whose mother died when she was thirteen wrote: No one in your life will ever love you as your mother does. There is no love as pure, unconditional, and strong as a mothers love. And I will never be loved that way again. One of my newsletter subscribers recently used nearly the same words, although her loss came much later in life: I lost my mother four years ago when I was forty-nine. And I sure do miss her. Mother-daughter relationships are one of the most intimate we will ever have and often one of the most complicated. One of the most painful things I realized when my mom died was that I would never again be loved as unconditionally (in this life) as a mother loves. A daughters need for her mother is biologic, and it continues throughout her life. Not only was our mothers body the source of life for us but it was her face that we looked to, to see how we were doing. By gazing into our mothers eyes and experiencing her response to us, we learned crucial first lessons about our own worth. The quality of attention we receive as babies determines in part how worthy we feel to be here on the planet. When our mother shows her approval through smiling and talking to us, then we encode the idea that we are all right. If, on the other hand, she is not present for whatever reason, or withholds her love when we dont do what she wants us to do, we feel abandoned. Well do whatever it takes to get that attention back. As young children, our mothers approval or disapproval felt like either the kiss of life or the kiss of death. No wonder she still has the power to affect our well-being. No wonder, even as educated adult women, we keep going back to the same well of maternal attention to see if were okay and lovable and to check out how were doing. I firmly believe that the mother-daughter bond is designed by nature to become the most empowering, compassionate, intimate relationship well ever have. How is it, then, that when we go back to that well to be refilled, the result is so often disappointment and resentment on both sides? Too many of my patients and friends have told me painful stories about going home for the holidays. Heres one of them: During my junior year in college, I went home on the Friday night before Mothers Day. Id already told my mom that Id be unable to stay and have a family dinner on Sunday because I had to get back, write a paper, and study for my final exams. When I walked into my house, my mother burst into tears. I said, "Mom, whats wrong?" She continued crying and said, "The ones you love the most hurt you the most. Dont get close to anyone." I said, "Mom, are you upset because Im not staying down here for Mothers Day?" She replied, "I cant talk about it." Of course this made me feel as though I was being a terrible daughter (which is exactly what my mother wanted to convey). I said to her, "Mom, you havent been happy with me since the day I moved out to go to college." She obviously wasnt willing to talk about what was really going on. She refused to address this and just kept cleaning the kitchen counter. She finally said, "I promised your father we were going to have a good day. So lets have a good day." This sort of thing went on around Mothers Day and every other major holiday for years, but my friend couldnt stay away. "Not going is just not an option," she told me. No wonder she goes, despite the anxiety, headaches, and upset stomach that often ensue. She keeps going back to the well of maternal attention to try to slake her thirst for unconditional recognition and approval, because for generations her cells have been programmed to do this. Though she sometimes gets a few sips of her mothers approval, there is never enough to truly fill her up, and the price is very high. She is being called upon to bear the brunt of her mothers unhappiness and lack of fulfillment. At the very time when she most needs her mothers support to move ahead in her own life, her mother is calling her back. The message may take many forms, from tears to anger to stony silence, but the subtext is always the same: if you really loved me, youd stay here and suffer with me. My friends relationship with her mother neednt be this difficult. To help heal it, she must first identify and name the common web of expectations, needs, and miscommunication in which she and her mother both feel trapped. And then she needs to look below the surface of her mothers behavior and her habitual response to it. When she does, shell see that her (and her mothers) behavior stems seamlessly from our cultural inheritance as women. Appreciating this is the first step toward healing. Maternal Ambivalence: Our Cultural Legacy Both men and women in this society are encouraged to view having a baby and raising a child as the most significant achievement in a womans life. And on many levels, it is. For a significant number of women, however, motherhood brings up far more conflict and ambivalence than we feel comfortable admitting lest we be labeled as "bad" mothers whose love for our children is suspect. To admit our ambivalence about motherhood and the ensuing loss of control and status that so often accompany it is to fly in the face of one of our most cherished cultural myths. The epidemic of undiagnosed and untreated postpartum depression and the toll it takes on society speaks volumes. Who wouldnt be ambivalent about the one decision in a womans life that t Details ISBN0553380125 Author Christiane Northrup Short Title MOTHER-DAUGHTER WISDOM Pages 752 Language English ISBN-10 0553380125 ISBN-13 9780553380125 Media Book Format Paperback Illustrations Yes Year 2006 Residence Yarmouth, ME, US Subtitle Understanding the Crucial Link Between Mothers, Daughters, and Health DOI 10.1604/9780553380125 Place of Publication New York Country of Publication United States AU Release Date 2006-03-28 NZ Release Date 2006-03-28 US Release Date 2006-03-28 UK Release Date 2006-03-28 Publisher Random House USA Inc Publication Date 2006-03-28 Imprint Random House Inc DEWEY 613.0424 Audience General We've got this At The Nile, if you're looking for it, we've got it. With fast shipping, low prices, friendly service and well over a million items - you're bound to find what you want, at a price you'll love! TheNile_Item_ID:8028490;

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